Unforgivable

Who is a God like you,who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.  Micah 7:18-19

Where do we go wrong?  We have a loving God who promises us that he will forgive our sins and forget them, but why can't we do the same?  There are so many times that I have asked for the forgiveness of a sin but then it has taken years to forgive myself for it.  You spend all of your time beating yourself up for it.  Or you are asking yourself how you could fall so far.   When I was in that place I was miserable, I had escaped into a shell and told God that he couldn't use me because I was too weak.  Just like Elijah in 1 Kings, I escaped into a cave and didn't want to come out.

So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.    
And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."     

 1 Kings 19:8-10

I was there until God asked me what I was doing there.  I told him that I was ashamed and felt that I was too weak to do his work.  It was at that time that God revealed something to me.  We need to forgive ourselves for the sins that we commit.  If we don't it becomes a foothold.  Guilt quickly moves in and begins to control our lives. My life had gone from an on-fire, go for the goal Christianity, to a man hiding in the backs of churches hurt from what life had thrown him.

I would like to tell you that I forgave myself and overnight I was transformed with joy in my heart and dancing bound up in my feet but this wasn't the case.  Like being bound with many ropes and chains, my unforgiveness took time and a lot of soul searching to unwind.  With God's help, I discarded past guilt, old sins, and pains piece by piece until only the core of my guilt remained.  After forgiving myself for the wrong that God had already pardoned, joy reentered my life and my step once again became lighter.

Soon after God began to use me and open doors to minister to others.  One of these ministries you are currently reading.  So I pass onto you what God imparted to me, if you ask God for forgiveness for a sin remember to also forgive yourself.  Only then can the sin be cast into the sea of forgetfulness.